Friday, October 31, 2008

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lynch et Louboutin

Now where did I put that time machine...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

%@$%@#$%!@#$!@#$

blurgh!blah!fuckfuckfuck!

Meowzers

I think I need this tiger dress...  to blog in.  

"How embarrassing..."


It seems as though I'm not the only one living scenes out of Fight Club. However, in addition to condiments, we also have sugar free redbull, diet coke, rotten apples, orange cheese, and two bottles of sake (1 cooking grade, 1 drinking grade). I'm stricken down with envy whenever I open someone's fridge and it's packed with goodies, fresh produce, and a multitude of beverage options. It makes me want to move in- in secret, like a little frizzy raccoon. I think that a well stocked fridge is a mark of a good, cozy home. Clearly, I suck as a homemaker.
What's in your fridge???

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

POW! SMACK! ZOINK!

I'd really love 
to smack you around in these 
Kiki de Montparnasse
 fingerless lambskin gloves. 

It's a dirty shame 
that they co$t more 
than a car payment. 
C'est la vie.

♥♥♥ CONGRATULATIONS WHIT & JOE! ♥♥♥

Photobucket
Driving home tonight, my eyes felt like knotted wads of wool. All I could think about was how tired I was, and how long and busy my day had been. I strained to see through the sunburst night. Then suddenly, my phone vibrated in my crotch. T'was my best friend from high school (and beyond) who lives in LA, Whitney calling. I perked up as I answered, "HI!" She proceeded to tell me that she and her adorable boyfriend Joe, got engaged earlier in the afternoon!!! I was super giddy and so excited, happy, everything for them. My heart felt fuzzy, soft, like melting lipstick in your car on a hot summer's day. I oozed and gushed and forgot about my aches and pains. They are so so mega perfect for each other. I'm so glad that they'll live happily after ever. I was so excited that I forgot to ask, WHEN'S THE WEDDING!?!  Congrats, kiddos, I love you guys! YAY!

How was your day, lovelies?


Monday, October 27, 2008

Me, in a nutshell.

i very well could be suffering from mild narcolepsy (not to mention acute hypochondriacitis). i can't manage to surpass a posture of 50 degrees without falling deep down a rabbit hole and straight into REM sleep. it's a blessing and a curse. i never need sleep meds, but i need a foghorn of an alarm clock. i can and have fallen asleep anywhere, anytime. you name it. this has been happening all of my life. when i was 3, my dad took me horseback riding. He put me on his shoulders (hey, it was the 80s! safety was no thang back then) and i fell asleep, on him, him on the horse. when i was eighteen, i fell asleep driving once. i had made it about 15 miles when i came to, crashing into the car infront of me. i had no recollection of driving from mesa to tempe. scary. with that said, it's my bedtime. 
sleep tight!
♥♥
xo

AZ Science Center

my super generous work gave us free tickets to the science center. our buds steve and karen joined us on our sunday adventure. hmmm, science center + germy screaming children= swollen jacked up eye lid... coincidence? i think not!
r made a hand monster and chomped the heads off of a bunch of kids. it was so fucking hilarious, i was folded over like a cheap suit with tears and snot coming out of all my facial orifices. their parents, however, were less than enthused.

vagina tree, complete with anus!
hope you all had a nice weekend, too! 
♥♥

"You should get an eyepatch."

I woke up this morning only to find my left eye lid swollen not unlike your classic ping pong ball. This ain't good.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

I like [Abe Lincoln] Turtles!

Dear Diary, 

On Wednesday, we went to see David Sedaris at Gammage. When I rounded the corner and THERE HE WAS! Oh, be still my heart, he was the cutest little man that has ever walked the face of this earth, I tell you. I felt my face grow warm and I tugged annoyingly on r's jacket sleeve, nearly ripping it off, "Squeeeeeeeeeee!!! There he is there he is!" 

We strolled past the line of adoring fans, while he was scribbling away in their books freshly bought and not. Ohhh, should I get in line? I don't have anything to sign! Should I buy a book?! I was my normal wishwashy-waffling self. I could tell r was starting to get irritated so I shrieked, "Stay here!" moved him into line with my hands and quickly swiped up a hardcover copy of When You Are Engulfed In Flames and ran to claim my place in line.

Historially, whenever I'm indecisive and decide NOT to do something, I'm always saddled with remorse. I wasn't going to let it slip by me this time, I tell ya. I wish I'd known that I was going to be able to meet him! Else I would've practiced something witty to say, or highlighted a life changing/eye opening passage from Me Talk Pretty One Day, or presented him with a small gift or SOMETHING

As the line inched forward, I kept thinking, don't say, "I'm a really big fan," whatever you do, don't say that. There's nothing more cliche. I wondered to myself how many times he's heard that phrase. And don't shake his hand, shaking hands is gross, especially if you have to shake hundreds and hundreds of them. Shiver me timbers, pass the Purell!

My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest, run up to the front of the line and strangle DS for being so goddamn adorable. The people behind us in line were bona fide retards. They were so loud, stupid, and obnoxious. It made me wonder how many of his fans he would hate IRL. 

Finally, it was our turn. I stepped up and handed him my book. I instinctively stuck out my hand and peeped, "nice to meet you" in an unrecognizably meek voice. I suddenly realized what I was doing and retracted my hand hoping that it wouldn't hang empty in the air inbetween us any longer, and hopefully, before he noticed. He elevator eyed r and read my name off the little yellow post-it handed to me back while I was in line. Here's how meeting one of my favorite authors went:

[in that adorable squeaky voice of his:]
DS:   Hello. Are you Grace? Would you like a piece of candy? (motions to the plastic orange pumpkin on the table)
Me:   Yes, hiiiiiiiii.
DS:   Oh, and who did you bring tonight?
Me:   This is my husband Ryan.
DS:   He has really good hair. Nobody combs their hair like that anymore. Nobody!
R:  (nervously) Tha-anks.
Me:   It's very JFK, no?
DS:   (turning his gaze to me) You have really good hair, too.   [whilst drawing what looked like a tin can in the book, which later turned out to be the Abe Lincoln turtle's top hat he very slowly said:]    If...there...was...an award...for the couple with the best hair... it would...go to... you guys. Do you have any kids?
Me:   No, we hate children.
DS:   Oh! But you must! They would have the best hair!
Me:   Nah, it's not really worth it.
DS:   Well, you could just harvest them for their hair and throw them away.
[laughter....]
The show was hilarial, as expected. Save for this stupid little cunt sitting behind me. Her laugh sounded as though a guinea pig was being slaughtered. Maybe even having it's little toes pulled off one by one with miniature forceps. It was that bad. So bad that I was plugging my ears and dreading punchlines. Okay, okay, we get it, we get it... we get that you "get it." Sheesh, shut the fuck up. 

He read from his new book, his diary, and a piece from the New Yorker where he told us that they made him replace "human shit" with "platter of shit." Then afterward he answered questions from the audience, skiphop walked off stage and signed MORE books for fans. What a guy. The entire time I kept wondering what it felt like to have hundreds and hundreds of faces beaming love and admiration at you while hanging on your every word. It must be an amazing feeling.

Walking to the car:

R:   Are you going to blog about this?
Me:   Fuck yeah, I'm going to blog about this!! I blog about how many shits I take a day, of COURSE I'm going to blog about meeting one of my favorite authors!
R:   Don't write about how he was checking me out. He might read it...
Me:   What?!?!! That was the best part!! And I doubt he's going to ever read my blog. I wiiiiiiish David Fucking Sedaris would read my blog. I'd die. I'd just curl up and die.


Wit of the staircase moments:
  • I should've told him that r was my gay friend and he should've taken one for the team.
  • I should've told him that r was fixed.
  • I should've told him the story about how I saw this guy at work wearing a tshirt with the smoking skeleton a few weeks before the book came out,  and how I excitedly accosted him and said, "I LOVE your David Sedaris shirt!!!!" and how the guy scoffed at me and smuggly replied, "Uhhh, it's Van Gogh."
  • I should've professed my undying love and affection.
I'm going to send him fan mail. ♥

Thursday, October 23, 2008

moist as a snack cake


Bell's new harness


my a-mazing new Strangers with Candy 
 painting by the awesome Ms. Christyface!

Happy Thursday!
♥xo♥

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

♥best week ever♥

this post is dedicated to megan, christy, joey, jenn, r...
Good things are happening:
♥ stuffed cowboy squirrel mail from jenn and her halloween wonderland up north.
♥ friday night r made an amazing dinner with new jap friends jun & natsuko.
♥ saturday night pizza/wine with melinda & a nice new haircut .
♥ sunday, the looney bin and lunch with my dad. i can't remember the last time we spent one-on-one time together. this breaks and warms my heart at the same time. i hope we can make this a regular occurrence, because we ain't got all the time in the world left.
♥ went to christy's sunday night, ate, drank, and played poker with her and her a-mazing parents. cutest family ever, you could tell they all really liked each other. like, as people, not just because they have to because their family. heartmelting. ohhh and christy painted me the most amazing strangers with candy painting. photos to come. thank you thank you. this gal is bursting with talent.
♥ monday morning, i received surprise "just because" flowers (the best kind) at the office after joking to r that the japs could bring me some martha stewart flowers and a new pair of shoes. he'd ordered them the week before. aw.
♥ went to the craft store during lunch and found pretty new yarns! take cover, you're going to get fucked up looking knitshit for xmas this year.
♥ monday night, finding bella's new pink puppia on the doorstep. she looks so good in it. thank you, megan for helping me choose a color!
♥ today, tuesday, i had lunch with sweet sweet megan. i forget how great it feels to have girl friends. i have so much fun that i never want it to end.
♥ tomorrow, wednesday, ms. johanna is visiting from seattle and we've a lunch date. i'm so excited to see her. she totally rescued my ass from boredom when i was at that conference back in april. she's bringing me one of her awesome necklaces ! woohoo!
wednesday night, we're going to see david sedaris !!!! i can't wait!!!! i'm going to pee my pants.
♥ thursday... perhaps my gphone will arrive? *crosses fingers*
♥ friday, lunch date with desiree (if you don't cancel, d! jk jk, you know i love you.)
♥ saturday, dinner & lots of wine with steven perhaps?
♥ sunday, my work is giving every employee 4 free admissions to the az science center! how nerdy. i've been wanting to go for a while now. i still have 2 passes up for grabs... anyone?
♥ whew! this has been a week for the record books. i'm so grateful for all the lovely people in my life. i should be pmsing and a crabapple, but i'm overwhelmed with warm fuzzies.

thank you!



photo via tiny unicorn 
UPDATE:
G1 came!! Wooooo!

Monday, October 20, 2008

thankful, thanking, thanked

...and all the note said was, "Thank you for being you."

thanks, r! i ♥ you mostest.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

J'adore!

I just love the new ad campaign. 
Photobucket
Eau de la Chihuahua

Friday, October 17, 2008

Happy Weekend, dearhearts!









things that are amazing:
+balenciaga AW08RTW
+the misfits
+balmain SS09RTW

Final Debate Wrap Up

hatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpelhatchetscalpeljoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumberjoetheplumber
NO PHOTOSHOP! 

via Handstil 






xposted at tiger butter 


Thursday, October 16, 2008

Now Playing: Wants


♥ a stack of musty, dusty Desmond Dekker records
♥ a dozen Reese's peanut butter cups
♥ a bottle of Bollinger
♥ a cheese pizza from Papa Gino's {oh how I miss thee, I should open my own western franchise}
♥ my mom's old dresses
♥ ombre yarn and a skinny crochet needle
♥ math skillz

Gahdorable!

The ever so lovely and talented Johanna made these adorable Dia De Los Muertos necklaces. Check 'em out!

"Hand formed day of the dead skulls in black polymer clay with delicate hand detailing around the eyes and forehead. Approx 1/2", wire wrapped on gunmetal chain approx 16" long.

because each skull is handmade, they may slightly vary

Contact me for possible alternate colors"

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Monday, October 13, 2008

Now playing:

HAHAHA. I just flung my shirt  off and helicoptered it because I was convinced there was a bug biting my back. I bet I looked like an i-d-i-o-t, tits-a-flailing.

[cue laugh track]

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Thursday, October 09, 2008

David Lynch's Beverly Hills Chihuahua:

...starring Bella, because Laura Dern wasn't available...

xie.xie.ni.zuo.wo.de.peng.yo

Dear Buds,

I love you and thank you for being my friend.





{♥CS♥}

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Gratitudes...10.08.08


-can't resist picking that old scab. just let it be.

+my bicycle was fixed! a colleague's bud came by, picked it up, ordered a new/old wheel, spiffed it up, and dropped it back off 2 weeks later! i'm so grateful and happy. i promise never to neglect you again, old pal.

+went to see quintron and miss pussycat last night with my new girlcrushfriend, megan. she's ab fab and whip smart. probably one of the nicest people i've ever met. no exaggeration. i'm glad she invited me out. the show was fun, but i couldn't tell if what i was seeing was awesome and novel, or just another case of emperor's new pretentious hipster clothes. wonder showzen it was not, but i digress.



+been going to yoga during my lunch hour. it's super relaxing. i really like the instructor cum therapist. i'm even starting to be more content with my body after a gluttonous summer. i have creaky grandma bones and can barely bend, but i think, i'm getting better at it. i like feeling myself getting stronger and more physically fit. now that it's cooling off again, i look forward to canal bike rides and lunch time picnics.


+speaking of, i ate lunch outside today! EL FRESCO! some crazy dude who makes weird signs walked past in gray sweats and mouthed 'i love you.' i think i'm happiest when i'm outside.

+yesterday, j&k from work, sweet girls, and I went to get manicure/pedicures. primping a little bit always feels nice. i went with the darkest of all dark reddish purples, because "black nail polish is unprofessional." it totally looks black. whatever.

+got our passports back today! ready to take on the motherland and japan. i'm so looking forward to my 2 week vacation/november birthday extravaganza.

+while i was walking into the dry cleaners today, i saw a woman on a cell phone, plastic bags slung over her arms, scanning the brick ground for something. i walked past and just started searching with her. i didn't know what i was looking for... a contact lens? an earring? an earring! i spied with my little eye a shiny object and retrieved it for her. she beamed with gratitude and thanked me profusely. i bent down a second time and picked up the backing that was stuck in a crack. i swooped in and saved the day. not really really, but it did make me feel fuzzyish inside. she was happy, i was happy.

+r sending me a WAKE UP text this morning from baltimore after i unconsciously slapped off  my alarm with 3.5 hrs of shut eye under my belt. i totally would have/could have slept til noon. thanks, r!

-my closet is a trainwreck. it's a source of stress when i can't find what i need in the morning. i just can't seem to bring myself to organize it. i need a closet elf.

+drinking emergen-c out of wine glasses. it makes everything more fun.

all in all i feel like the luckiest girl the in world.

Woof.

"My little dog - 
a heartbeat at my feet."  
-Edith Wharton


photo by the facehunter